Upgraded Storyboard (clean)
I've attached two versions of my upgraded storyboard (links are above). The first shows editing marks (strike out for items to remove, and blue text for items to add); the second shows the "final" script after removing and adding the desired pieces.
Besides editing my narration, I made several changes from my original storyboard. I think these changes made the storyboard more complete and thorough- I was aiming for a storyboard that anyone could pick up and use to complete the project. Here are my additions:
- director notes for the narration
- a board at the beginning for effects that apply to the entire story
- a title and credit planning board
- decided on and added final images
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ReplyDeleteAngie,
ReplyDeleteI compared your marked script with the clean script and I think the edits you made were excellent. In the Lambert chapter, he talked about the “less is more” concept and cautioned against getting to explanatory in our scripts. I think you did an excellent job of catching these moments in your original script and editing it down. For example, in the original script you had “my desire to be a mother is so strong it sometimes interferes with my logic. We made the decision to adopt early in our marriage but I wasn’t ready to let go.”
The revised script relates this emotions but much more concisely and powerfully. “I held on to the possibility…may, just maybe.” That maybe, just maybe says it all.
Great job on being able to edit your script down. I think when we are so close to the material and it is so emotional for us, it is hard to cut down our own words. But you did a great job of this and ended up with a much more powerful script.
I also really liked your image choice. The choice to not have any images of you or your husband really worked. The images you chose conveyed the emotions of hope, despair, and cycles of life rather nicely.
Great job.
Angie,
ReplyDeleteI agree with Charity that you did a great job on editing your script. By cutting down on what you were going to say, you really focused in on the core of your story and the emotions you were feeling. Even without your voice, I already feel pulled into the story, just by reading the words.
LOVED the changing image. The subtle simplicity made the focus on the words, which is where it should be! Since comments have been made on word use, and I'm supposed to come up with something you might use, then how about image addition, such as when you used the rainbow. Something small, say a bird, or a flower, or other sympbolic item. In fact, having something move from one frame to another, like a..thinking outloud, a butterfly or whatever to give some movement. Something very light, tho, to keep focus on words and changing tree.
ReplyDeleteAngie,
ReplyDeleteThat was such a moving story. The way you manipulated the image was fantastic. The only thing I could offer would be to maybe add a different color to the background of the image as it changes as I think that would make the changes more dramatic. Very nice job!