I spent a lot of time thinking, adding, removing, adding again... in the end I only made one change- to add words on the screen at certain points during the story. I had such a hard time with making changes because I think the simplicity really worked, but I ended up keeping that in one part. I agreed with the comments/suggestions to add something for visual interest to the slides. After experimenting a lot, I felt the words worked best with the story to not distract. I left the ending as is because this is a piece of a larger project. I can see how if it were just this story it would be to abrupt. Thank you all for your comments- they helped me look at different elements I may not have seen myself.
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Angie,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I am soo jealous! I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii. I hope to go there for my 40th birthday (which we will say is decades away)
I like what you did here (and as a vegan I love to hear stories of creatures going back to the wild!). The video was a nice touch and the Hawaiian music worked perfectly. Even before the video played, you captured the essence of being in Hawaii. The transition from after the video stopped playing was a little abrupt, though.
My suggestion has to do with the script. If you just watch the video on its own, you don’t know the back story of what is going on. I knew this was an endangered green sea turtle being released back into the wild only because I read your intro. But, if you want the story to stand on its own without your audience having to read the intro, then this background is lost. Maybe at the beginning you could add something like “I am a honu, a green sea turtle. I hear my kind is endangered, but I have had comfortable and easy life….” And then at the end you can work it in where you say “I am scared, exited, nervous yet I feel a yearning and desire come over me to join my fellow honu in the wild and my nerves are beginning to calm…” -- "join my fellow honu" added to your original script. Those are just some ideas of how you might incorporate the back story.
Fantastic version 2. The simplified text really was excellent. Even more, I really liked how the "O" in the word "hope" caught one of the colors in the rainbow. Then the "O" in joy also caught one of the colors in the rainbow. A little thing, but very powerful. I will also add that the music was excellent. Getting music to help capture the cascading moods and feelings you went through is a very difficult thing. You are to be commended! Nice touch!
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